许尘，京都人也。为人简素，待人谦恭。非有群逸之才，而颇有宏远之志也。身五尺有六，发如荆棘。

  So, I never thought I'd be standing on this brink of destiny. All these years I have denied, I have made believe that the day is still young. And for a while, it was true. But it came nevertheless, ruthlessly, with vengeance. And I am paralyzed. One year left, and we hold the key to our future in our own hands.

  I was never a good student. You can always tell the good students from the bad students. From the way they talk, the way they look, and the way they think. They have that steadiness, that grown-up and self-centeredness that we see often on successful adults. We feel small and immature in their presence.

  On the other hand, there's me. And my kind of people. Happy-go-lucky, fun-loving kids who think they're cool. I didn't learn shit in primary school. I still have trouble writing chinese. I was always looking up at the good students, envying them, wanting to be them. Being in a good class for two years, you'd think I fit right in. I don't don't. Looking around, I see so much difference. I have no will, or self control when it comes to sitting down for long periods of time. I could never muster enough concentration to dip into the books, to really see the life in those seemingly boring books. Mathematics, physics, even chemistry, I don't deny they have their charisma and charm, but I just fail to see them.

  Even when I am studying, a deeper part of me still wants to listen to music, to watch movies, to dance, or simply enjoying the sunshine. Studying was always a pain. I envy those who see studying as pleasure, like real scientits. I  really do. I wish I could foprget everything that I thought of as fun, and just concentrate on studying for just one year. But I can't. It's like tasting heroin. Once you know the taste, even when you've won over the addiction, you still lust for it. The mere memory of it haunts you. Now, I may be exaggerating, but in this critical period, fun is poison.

  In life, the real winner is not always the one with the best ability. Sometimes it's the one that looks like a winner. And if we don't treat ourselves as a winner, we will never be one. Modesty is important, it allows us to see our faults. Yet we must see ourselves as a winner with faults. A winner with faults will always be a winner, but a loser with ability will always be a loser. I see some kids not taking themselves seriously these days.They're smart, but do not work hard, but get okay grades, and it emphasizes their intelligence. I envy them. I'm nowhere near smart, and had to work to be where I am. But in life, sometimes it's not the most intelligent that succeeds, but the most mature. Maturity allows us to see ourselves as a winner. With that understanding, we allow more choices for us, and we believe in ourselves. We believe no mountain is too high to climb, and no lyrics is too hard to rhyme.

  So this is me. An immature kid who wants to grow up in a hurry. Maybe one day I can look back at this and laugh. But until then, I fight on.